How Many Shades of Grey? The Lowdown on your BDSM Starter Kit!

Do you even live on this planet if you’ve not read, seen, or heard about 50 Shades of Grey? The answer is, No!

Before the year 2011, BDSM was regarded as very taboo. It was an experience reserved for brothels or behind tightly sealed hotel room doors. So, how did this hush topic become as widely celebrated as it is today?

E. L. James, that’s who.

You have to give it to this British romance novelist. She started a turn-of-the-century sex revolution, and we’re all much more interesting people for it- even if you’ve only lived in your fantasies.

But look at me going on and on about Christian Grey’s and Anastacia Steele’s highly erotic love life (see what I did?), without introducing you to the thrilling, death-defying, orgasmic-laden and very exciting world of Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, and Sadism/Masochism- BDSM.

It’s not easy on the tongue. But, neither are gag balls, and they feature a special place in our segment today!

BDSM in a NUT-shell

It’s really as simple as understanding the formative words.

Bondage- This mean’s one partner’s movement will be restrained by any number of skin-friendly ‘bondage tools’, say ropes or cuffs.

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Discipline- There are rules, and they need to be followed by the submissive partner.

Dominance- One partner plays the controlling role.

Submission- The other partner plays puppet to the Dominant’s commands or wishes.

Sadism and Masochism- These are psychological concepts where sexual pleasure is derived from inflicting pain on a partner (Sadism) or being the recipient of said pain (Masochism).

With that down, let’s introduce the playmates.

Let’s Set up the Sex Dungeon

BDSM is not complete without a set of tools and a sex dungeon. Anastasia called Christian Grey’s ‘The Red Room of Pain.’

James’ elaborate writing and the American film adaptation of the trilogy give the most elaborate picture of what your sex room should look like.

But you’re not working with Universal Studio’s budget, so you do not need to go as HARD as the movie set. You can start simple, and build up your own Blue, Purple, or even Black room of pain.

First, we need a safe word. I nominate ‘Tracy’s Dog’

Have you picked the submissive yet? Good. I flipped a coin and picked the little lady for this role.

So, get a good set of fitted sheets with a good level of comfort. She’ll need it with all the squirming she’s about to do. Identify points on your bed where you’d hook the restraints.

Draw the curtains if it’s bright outside to set the mood. Add candles or mood lights if that’s part of your sting.

Are you undressed? Help each other undress- make the whole ordeal as sensual as possible.

Do you enjoy music during sex? In the era of nosy neighbors, you might want to select a playlist to hush out the sounds. Or, keep a clean headscarf handy as you might NEED to gag her to muffle the sounds.

All set? Time to immerse yourself in one of the most intimate sexual experiences of your life.

REMEMBER, Bondage sex is only pleasurable if you completely TRUST your partner.

Now, let’s get into the basics.

BDSM Rose Party Bondage Set

The BDSM rose party bondage set is a fusion of elegantly designed pieces that are ideal for couples just beginning to explore the thrilling world of bondage.

Available in red and black color combination, this is the set to get the mood right for you and your partner.

What to Expect

2 sets of handcuffs plus 2 sets of ankle cuffs. Each is made of fabric with a fluffy lining and tugs delicately on the skin to avoid harsh friction bruises.

2 separate bed straps with enough length to reach the cuffing points on a standard bed.

1 feather tickler with a comfortable leather handgrip on one end, and high quality, soft, plush, tickly feathers on the other end.

A 4-way hogtied cross made of durable faux leather and metallic rings for a firm tie.

1 delicate blindfold to raise the thrill of anticipation for the submissive.

How to Play

Slip the cuffs on her wrists and ankles. Adjust them. You don’t want them too tight, but you don’t want her setting herself free either.

Let her lie on her back as you proceed to hook the bed straps to each of the cuffs. Tie them to the formerly identified hook positions. Is everything fastened and secure?

Tie the blindfold, and maybe give her a kiss for comfort and reassurance.

You, the man or female lover are now the Dominant. Your lady is the Submissive. With her sight restricted, she doesn’t know what to anticipate. She’s vulnerable, and craving for your touch.

Take advantage of her heightened senses to escalate her arousal. Trace the tickler on her erogenous zones, lightly tap the vagina, brush her inner thighs.

Do not be predictable and do not succumb to your own desire to have sex with her. Keep up with the teasing as long as you can.

Should you exhaust your creativity, let her lie on her back and use the hogtie cross to restrain her- hands and feet brought together by the firm strap. She can even go on her knees.

Continue to tease her. Slip your fingers inside her and fuel her longing for you. But, DO NOT SUCCUMB!

Play games too.

Remember, as the dominant, you can set rules. If she breaks them, tease her harder. And you want her to break them because after all, it’s more fun that way- so help her break them.

What Else Can You Purchase to Keep the Ball Rolling?

Disciplining Vibration Whip

Introduce a bit of pain and pleasure with the disciplining vibration whip. The leather tassels are softer than using a paddle, and the dildo-like attachment brings a whole new world of versatility to this toy.

What to Expect

The package contains a 2 in 1 vibrator & Whip

The vibrator delivers up to 9 frequencies of vibration

The entire toy measures 456 mm * 32 mm * 32mm, but the vibrator‘s length is 181mm*32mm*32mm

The toy gives about 4.5 inches of insertable length

It is rechargeable via USB

It can also be used in the bath and thoroughly cleaned as it is Waterproof

How to Play

With our submissive still in a tied position, tease them with the vibrations from the vibrating whip. Go over the nipples and the clitoris for maximum effect. This should have them quivering.

Here’s a game. How about, if she moans, a stroke from your whip. With the vibrator, this should be an easy feat. Tease her by inserting the vibrator in her vagina and watch as she tries to resist moaning.

Get very creative. Assume your dominance and command her to change positions to your most desirable one.

If she is a beginner, don’t strike her too hard. Graduate the intensity of the strikes, and be on the lookout for your partner’s reaction. Again, aim for the fleshy parts of her body for better pain absorption.

And, a rule of thumb-keep an ear out for the safe word. Stop the minute your partner says it.

BDSM Toys to Supplement your Starter Kit

Now that you have the basics, let’s take a look at what else you can add to your toy stash to keep playtime exhilarating.

LUNA Beads Noir

You’ve probably heard them referred to as Ben-Wa balls, kegel balls, jiggle balls, Geisha balls or orgasm balls. These small weighted balls are not just useful for strengthening your pelvic muscles, they also enhance sexual pleasure.

What to Expect

Two weighted balls held by a silicone harness

How to Play

This is a 50 Shades Darker classic. If you watched the second release of the trilogy, it’s impossible to forget Anastasia’s squirms as she walked around, sat and got caught up in a light spanking session while wearing a set of these balls.

These balls will be amazing for your kegels, for solo play, but not as awesome as they will be for foreplay with your partner.

The best part? These jet-black balls are safe, hygienic and quite easy to clean.

Insert both balls in the silicone harness, pour some water-based lube and get your partner in a comfortable position- spread eagle is optimal.

Slip the first ball, followed by the soft plastic connector, then the second ball. Leave them in as you tease your partner. The movement of the balls in the vagina is quite arousing and filling for your partner.

Practice your kegels as your partner focuses on the other erogenous zones. By the time your partner takes them out for actual penetration, you should reach very quick orgasm. You’ll also have given your pelvic muscles a workout-improving tightness and circulation, which increases the potential for more powerful orgasms in the future.

Roomfun Queen’s Suit Bondage Set

The Roomfun Queen’s Suit Bondage set is another must-have in your collection. Whether you are a beginner or experienced at Discipline and Submission, you will find this set extremely intuitive to use.

What to Expect

A collar

A leash

A pair of cuffs with a lobster clasp

A set of nipple clamps

How to Play

The Roomfun Queen Set is dynamic and can be used in several ways. But what makes it so fitting for your submissive?

Well, it might be a game of pain, but a level of comfort is expected for pleasure. The toys in this set feature a comfortable snakeskin pattern. The environmentally safe faux-snakeskin pattern comes in black with contrasting red stitching.

The snake was the first seductress biblically. So, what's more dangerously alluring than slipping on that fiery-looking collar on your partner’s neck, attaching the leash, and taming the lust demon.

The comfortable material on the collar is necessary since the neck is a sensitive area, and your partner might have it on for a while.

Slip the pair of handcuffs and use the lobster clasps to clip the cuffs to the bed, to a pole, to the leash, to tie her hands together behind the back or neck. The cuffs are sturdy and leave the submissive totally impaled of movement for unfettered access by the dominant.

And to drive the needle bananas on the pain and pleasure receptors, clip on the nipple clamps. It might be painful at first, but as you arouse her other pleasure spots, the radiating pain turns into a sweet intense pleasure.

Introduce all the pieces at once, or add each one of them as you progress in your play. Change positions to an upright kneel, a doggy position, sunny side up, bottoms up, or even standing. The toys are adjustable to suit almost any sexual position you can imagine.

Spider Web Bed Bondage Restraint

The Spider Web Bed Bondage Restraint is the master of bondage and restraint. Think of those old movies where a psychiatric ward patient has their hands and legs tied to each corner of the bed. The Spider-web is that, just a lot more fun.

What to Expect

Spider web bed strap

A pair of handcuffs

A pair of ankle cuffs

How to Play

You’ve heard the tales of the Black Widow? Well, she impales her prey with just one bite- she doesn’t kill you, though.

Well, we want our partner lying lifelessly still for this part of the session, so why not whip out the spider web bed strap and create your own Black Widow situation.

This piece screams versatility as it can be used with all kinds of beds—king size, queen, mattress on the ground, convertible futon, name it. The spider web design has adjustable straps and allows you to restrain your partner as tight as you want. Or with as much wiggle room as your partner desires.

The skin-friendly material does not irritate the skin. The straps won’t snap or tear either, so tug as hard as you want. The durability is one of the best features, and the set will give you years of repeated play.

The restraint features a set of attached adjustable handcuffs and ankle cuffs. Again, these are pretty gentle on the skin and can be worn safely and comfortably through the night (if you can go that long).

Restrain your partner in any position imaginable, and watch as the spider web’s versatility comes to play. Simply ensure that it is firmly secure before engaging in play. You can even have the web go over your partner's body or criss-cross. It doesn’t have to lie beneath like a sheet.

Get creative with the spider web- this is a restraint tool. You will need to introduce as much imagination as you can. It will be more pleasant and erotic if you have other toys to complement the bondage.

The Monkey Chair

Fulfill all of your wildest desires with the Monkey Chair, an adjustable multi-position sex chair.

What to Expect

1 Money Chair

How to Play

Monkeys are fun-loving little creatures, and the monkey chair can help you channel your monkey spirit.

When we think about a monkey chair, let’s picture a piece of ‘furniture’ that allows you to try out really interesting sexual positions. The monkey chair can be used on the bed, on the floor, on the table or while standing. You are not limited.

Place the monkey chair on the bed. You can adjust it to go over your erect penis (for the gentleman, obviously) or over a strap-on dildo. The lady or guy-lover can then sit on the monkey chair and raise and lower themselves onto the erectness for the most comfortable riding position.

The support given by the monkey chair means that you can last longer, have better control and experience better support. You can grab onto the handles and thrust from below as your partner meets you halfway with a gentle bounce.

Try sitting on the monkey chair and alternate with your partner as the other person goes below and initiates oral sex. OR, a neat handjob and oral combination.

With multiple adjustable positions, you can make most of your fantasies come true with this incredible contraption.

Is There More?

As you progress in your BDSM exploration, you will want to incorporate more tools as you test out higher pain endurance. The 10-Piece BDSM Bondage Set will introduce ball gags, paddles, a collar and towing rope, and a bondage chain to what you got in your starter kit.

Test out the limits, and do your research. But, always ensure there is mutual understanding before pushing the limits.

Thanks for keeping it tuned. Join us on our next piece as we take you further down the BDSM rabbit hole.